A while ago, I read one of the most beautiful books, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous (featured in my book recommendations about moms this week). The structure of the novel is a letter written to the protagonist’s mother. He shares his pain and her pain through his eyes. It’s an interesting dynamic when it feels like all you have is each other.
The book inspired me to write a letter to my own mother, but I have sat on that idea for a long time. Then I recently wrote one to her that turned out way differently than I planned. We’re definitely still processing that together.
It’s Mother’s Day, so I have decided to write another one to my mother. Don’t worry Ma, it’s definitely not like the other one. To everyone else: it’s about to get mushy in here.
It feels strange calling you mother or mom. That has never been the nature of our relationship. I’m sorry if it seemed like we weren’t as close as you thought we were. I feel like we can have a fresh start now. It was time for our relationship to get to the next level.
I just want you to know I see you. I see your intelligence and grace and beauty, even though you might not see it yourself. I see all of the things you have sacrificed to give us a better life. I see all of the love you have to offer.
I know I tell you this regularly, but sometimes you don’t hear me. I love you and I appreciate all that you have done, and continue to do, for us. You built a great life for us with the means you had. You are the most selfless person I have ever known. Your spirit is so beautiful, and I wish to emulate that every day of my life, especially to my own children one day.
You always put us first. And while we will never stop needing you, but there is one thing we need from you the most right now: to take care of yourself. In order for you to be around a very long time to be there for us, I’m going to need you to start prioritizing yourself right now, more than ever. It’s never too late to start living for you. You can be your own person and still love us.
One day I hope to see you fly. I hope to see you full of joy and radiate that joy out to others, and I want that joy to come from inside yourself and not just from us. All I want is you to be happy. You are capable of doing all things and I know this because of the way you raised us.
I love you from deep in my bones. Always and forever.
Your baby, Tay